The past couple months have been difficult. Things are still difficult, but have improved. I hate that I still very much miss him and as much as I try not to, I still think of him. The old him, the one I fell in love with, not the new shitheaded him. But I'm taking
things one day at a time, and I'm not planning for the future anymore. Whatever happens, happens, and it evidently happens regardless of what I do. So I just spend my free time doing things that bring me
whatever enjoyment I can get out of this world: reading manga, tinkering on the computer, listening to blues music, playing videogames, spending time with Medusa, sleeping, daydreaming about living in a
universe that actually makes me happy, things like that. Life feels very different now that another veil has been lifted & now that I know I will never fall in love again. I'm not even interested in friendship anymore,
either. I stopped taking my antidepressants after the breakup, but I'll be resuming that regimen again soon because as much as I loathe the idea of being drugged up for the rest of my life on a substance I can't
grow for the sake of fitting into society, everyday life is just too unbearable without those chemicals in my brain (and besides, I'll have to take bloodthinners for the rest of my life too, so I might as well get
used to chemical dependency anyways). I have no idea what the future will hold, but I am certain I will never fully trust anything good that happens ever again. I've heard that someone said that it's better to have loved and lost than to have never
loved at all, but honestly in my experience I feel like both of those outcomes are equally terrible in their own respective ways. We're in the age of Kali Yuga, and I feel it very deeply. I will respond accordingly.
Some truths can only be spoken in certain ways.
Some truths appear as dreams, for only a moment. We have to remember them.
Some truths are hidden in darkness, though they exist. We have to search for them.
Some truths are plain to see all of the time. We have to respect their presence.
Looking back on the things I was writing before The Breakup, it's hard for me to feel safe getting excited over anything anymore. I was so excited about spending my life with Josh, and look where it landed me. I
was able to land on my feet, thankfully, but it made the fall from grace no less striking. The house is so empty without him. Everyday life is so empty without him. But I have to move on. For future Me's sake, I
have to keep moving forward, no matter how slowly, no matter how meaningless it feels. But what does "moving forward" mean for me now, mentally and emotionally? What can I possibly rely upon now (in the
outside world)? I'm not sure if this is healing or just a sad surrender to reality. I think I'm moving on, I mean I'm moving my things into storage pretty easily, but moving on socially is going to take time. I don't
want to be with anyone anymore. Things blowing up with Josh has shown me that relationships with other people aren't worthwhile after all, that you can't trust your happy feelings, and that it is better to direct
that love towards yourself rather than anyone else. I don't actually know what the hell to do with myself anymore. I'm just living day by day now. I can't expect anything anymore. This is what moving on feels like?
It feels more like I'm stuck in a moving quagmire, like a river of sand. The whole wide world feels like a potential nightmare, except for the pretty dreamy parts visible on Instagram. I can't tell what is important
anymore. It feels like I am disassociating from reality because embracing it hurts too damn much. It feels like there is nothing to move onto. All my hopes and dreams seem so silly now. I shouldn't have shared
them with Josh. I shouldn't have shared them with anyone, except my own damn blog. I feel like I am in limbo now: not ready to kill myself, but also not concerned lest I die. I guess I'll channel this feeling into
artwork or whatever. And then one day I'll die and practically no one will care about it, and my ideas will die with me because no one cared about them while I was alive. But for now, I suppose I will go find
something that brings me some small modicum of happiness, just to get me through the night. Until that moment that I remember how Joshua dumped me and I feel deep sadness all over again, I'll try to
remain oblivious to my own pain so that there might be room for some joy to be had, should I find any.
When I look back over our relationship, it is painful to admit how naive I actually was. I really thought we’d both spend the future together, I really thought I had found the person I was looking for in a partner.
I turned out to be so wrong, so all of those times I thought I had things figured out were actually wrong too. I should never believe I have things figured out, even when they seem so certain, even when I’d really,
really like to believe I’ve got things figured out, I should always remember that life will always figure things out for me. What Josh and I had was fake— it MUST have been fake, because that’s why it didn’t last. It felt real, but it wasn’t, & ultimately
we found that out. No amount of sorrow can undo reality: we were and are not meant to be together. I should have kept my feelings about him to myself. I’m right back in the place I was right before I confessed
my feelings to Josh— albeit in a better place now than I was before, so perhaps THAT is the ultimate reason for going through this heartbreaking ordeal. If that is so, then I guess I can understand why it happened,
although it still hurts like hell. The truth is, I miss him. I miss the happy, life-loving Josh. In a way he was more of D.’s boyfriend than mine, bc he did all kinds of stuff with her. Stuff he barely did with me. I
miss that Josh so goddamn much. But he’s become someone else, someone obsessed with making money, and THEN he’ll allow himself to have a good time again. I just couldn’t handle it. I just wanted to have a
good time with him in the now. I wanted to go on more dates, more hikes, more trips to the zoo. I wanted him to be my Pearlian manager, goddamnit. I wanted to marry him one day. Everything I hoped for is in
ruins now. What am I to do with myself now that my future once again doesn’t have him in it? How will I ever hope for anything good to happen ever again? How can I ever trust the good things that do happen
ever again? I still can’t believe everything we’ve been working toward together crumbled apart so easily. What a house of cards our relationship was, and I thought it was a mountain all the way up until the
moment the tower of cards collapsed, when I was forced to see the truth. Why is the truth always so painful? It emancipates us, yet in doing so we are forced to realize that we were not free before the
emancipation, and naturally we wonder what sorts of invisible shackles of lies continue to plague us unawares.
I suppose it's not as bad as it could be. Yes, I am heartbroken and yes, reality feels hollow of meaning, but I don't feel an overwhelming urge to actually kill myself to end the pain. I guess I'm kind of
numbed out, but it seems like something I should be thankful for, so I am am thankful for it. I'm no longer convinced that death is an escape route, bc it seems very likely to me that the moment of actual death
is what determines where one ends up in the next lifetime. So it would not do for me to kill myself out of grief, since the grief would likely just carry onwards into a new lifetime. I still don't know what to do with
myself in general, so I keep doing what I've been doing: going to work, coming home to the little dog, sleeping, playing videogames here and there, listening to music, etc. I've also been packing up my shit to go
into the storage unit. I feel so much better, actually, knowing that my things are all together in a secure location & I don't have to move them around over and over again as I move around. Closer to the end of the
month, I'll get myself a mailbox for the same reasons. Even though life seems hollow, I do have my wits about me, and I am able to act rationally. I feel that getting a storage unit and a mailbox are really smart
decisions. With my belongings and my mail taken care of, all I have to worry about then is where Medusa and I will be staying on a daily basis, and with this new lease I signed with Billy, my living costs really
won't be going up much, which is nice. Medusa and I will be safe, and she will have Lucy to play with, which will make her happy. Those two little girls really do love each other like sisters. This is a good situation
within which I can mend my broken heart. It'll be a new start for me and Medusa, and one blessed with familiar, trustworthy faces, Billy and Lucy. Maybe that's why I'm not feeling as low as I know I could be,
because I know in spite of this breakup I am still blessed, and for that I am truly grateful. Now I can focus on healing myself from the sadness, anger, resentfulness and loneliness that I feel over this breakup,
for all of them are still quite raw and visceral within me.
I knew that March this year was an astrologically charged month from the beginning of it... but I was NOT expecting it to turn out like it did! March was an emotional rollercoaster! A reality flip! A baseball bat to
the ole kneecaps! The defining moment of the month would definitely have to be the sudden Breakup with Josh on the Ides Of March, of all dates. Because of this, I've decided to move back in with my brother, but
this time in a new apartment. Instead of me living in Castle Rock with Josh like we had planned, I'll be living with Billygoat and Lucy on the outskirts of Denver once again. We already signed a lease a few days ago,
and our move-in date is April 15th (JFC, what's with all these 15's?!). After The Breakup occurred I got myself a storage unit near my place of work and have already moved a lot of important things into it. Besides
these, the best thing going for me right now is my job— the new position in the Fragrance department is going really well, although there's still lots of room for improvement on my part. Lately I've just been
working, painting, and sleeping the days away. There's not much to look forward to anymore, so I'm living in the moment. I've just been sitting alone with my loneliness because people make me feel even more
lonely. I am now entirely focused upon healing my broken heart and psychoanalyzing my current position in life.
Perfumes I've Worn This Month: Chanel Coco Mademoiselle Eau De Parfum Intense, Tiffany & Co. Rose Gold, Carolina Hererra Good Girl Blush, Dior J'Adore Parfum D'Eau, Marc Jacobs Daisy, Chloe Rose Naturelle Intense
Things I've Enjoyed This Month: AI fantasy & pinup art, Sakimi-Chan's YouTube tutorials, browsing all the beauteous things on Instagram, sad piano music, Italian Creme Cake, plans coming together, blueberry
lemonade mixed with spiced rum, bubble tea, cute clearance earrings, free lipsticks, organic dates, buttered popcorn, fresh pizza, chicken curry, mushroom ravioli, compliments from strangers, brainstorming for the
future
This particular week's piece was inspired by two sources: Rappaccini's Daughter,
a short story by Nathaniel Hawthorne as well as Poison, a song by Alice Cooper. She basically turned out to be Beauty from my Beauty And The Black Beast story/universe. I'm quite proud of her,
although she could definitely use a couple more levels of refinement. But yanno... new week, new picture. I have to move on now and be quicker next time.
Introducing Bleu, a character I created way back in high school who will always have a special place in my heart. Nowadays she's an important character in Anjie's Fantastic Universe, and I just had to
draw her again. Pretty Blue is an alien sentient sports car who finds the perfect mistress in Bleu Rosa, a beautiful young woman with blue hair and big dreams living in the bustling space metropolis Auda City, who
nevertheless is down on her luck due to being firmly under the local mob's thumb. Her luck begins to change as they win races together and Bleu becomes wildly successful, attracting a lot of enemies and
eventually racing to save the galaxy itself! This Weekly Submission was more like a "week and a half" submission, but I am very pleased with how it turned out even if I was unable to finish it within seven days. Below
is another weekly submission from last November that I never posted because I didn't finish it within a week either, but I'm nevertheless proud of it as well. It is painfully obvious that I am terrible at drawing cars,
which is something I'd like to work on because hot girls and hot cars are both a winning combination and compelling subject material for me to paint. Plus cars convey a sense of movement that is usually
missing from my artwork.
Asian candy that Kaitlyn from the Lingerie department gave me ♥
Life has been good lately! I am really happy and excited in my new life with Joshems. It’s been a year and about two months since the day I told him of my feelings for him and we started going together. I love him and treasure him more than words can express. The new year has so far been good to us, and the rest of 2023 looks very promising as well. We will be moving to Castle Rock this spring, since it is a rough midpoint between our two places of work, and we’ve recently looked at a couple of apartments down there that we can afford. I am very much looking forward to the move, even though I am already quite happy living in this place here in Lone Tree. And speaking of places of work, I’ll be moving from the Juniors section to the Fragrance section of the department store I’m working in now— and I am so freaking excited!!! I asked to move there and kinda kept reminding them (management) of how much I wanted to work at the perfume counter. One of my favorite coworkers, who already works in Fragrance & Cosmetics, very much wants me to come work with her, and she’s gonna be my boss when I transfer there!! It should be happening this weekend, and I absolutely cannot wait. Juniors was how I got my foot in the door, but I realized it wasn’t really the department I wanted to be in. Fragrance & Cosmetics is always hopping and my coworkers there are consistently among the daily top ten associates. If I can excel in Juniors, I am certain I can excel in the Beauty department. I kept Juniors at a constant state of near-perfection the entire time I’ve been with this company, for the past 6-7 months. Selling dresses and clothing to teenagers and skinny women has been fun, but most of the Juniors products don’t fit or flatter me, and it gets sad to keep seeing teenage girls having better relationships with their mothers than I ever had with my own.
I'm still working on my Weekly Submissions, although I've had better luck lately with my writing than with my artwork. For a little while, I'll be happy just producing something one way or another, but eventually I want my Weekly Submissions to become two-pronged: one submission of artwork and one submission of written work, or one submission that includes both. I have to get better with BOTH my writing and my artwork, because such skills are the backbone of my career. I've been thinking about trying my hand with AI art, because some of the pieces I've seen are really amazing! I've done a bit of research on it but I haven't really delved into it yet. It's much more important for me to be practicing making visual images by my own hand.
Medusa is the same as always: she just turned six this year but when I took her to the dog park today somebody mistakenly called her a puppy. Hahaha. She really does look and act like a puppy. Josh once said she's like a toddler, and he's really not wrong. Like me, she is very young at heart, and very happy to be alive. She is still a whiney baby as always. I've started giving her a treat right before I leave for work every day so I can avoid her ultra-sad mooney-eyes that she always gives me when she knows I'm leaving. I still hate having to leave her. I would have her by my side all day every day if possible, and I know both of us would be happy as shit with that arrangement. But it's just not possible for us to be attached at the hip at this time in my life. I wish there was a way I could explain to her, "Mama's gotta go to work so we have a nice place to live and good food to eat and fun toys to play with". She deals with it as best she can, though. We're always so happy to see each other whenever I come back home from work, and she gets all the pets and all the loves. She even gets to give me kisses, almost as many as she wants (she would lick all day if I let her, lol). She knows she is beloved.
January is birthday month for both me and Medusa. Both of our birthdays were pretty low-key. I worked on my birthday again this year, but Josh did get me an Italian Creme cake that I counted as my birthday cake and that I ate all by myself over the course of the week before my birthday. It was so freaking delicious and it made me so happy.
As far as books go, lately I've been reading through my battered copy of Fuzzy Logic: The Revolutionary Computer Technology That Is Changing Our World written by Daniel McNeill and Paul Freiberger in the early 1990's. I've read bits and pieces of it again and again throughout the years, but this time I'm trying to finish reading through the book from beginning to end. I've mostly been reading it while at work when business is painfully slow and I am in need of something that will keep my mind occupied. When it comes to non-fiction literature, I am horrible at finishing an entire book from start to finish. I use them as reference books, picking out the sections with the information I most wish to read about and neglecting to read the rest. It's only with fictional literature, where I am so interested that I am pressed to know everything that happens, when I am compelled to read the entirety of a book rather quickly. In addition to this book, I've also been trying to read Machiavelli's The Prince and James Frazer's The Golden Bough. I haven't gotten very far in either volume, but I did just start to read them in late January so I'll continue trying to read them throughout February.
It is funny that I was inspired to actually read The Prince because a character in an anime Josh and I are watching drew his ideas from Machiavellian thought. I hadn't much care to read it otherwise. The anime is called How A Realist Hero Rebuilt The Kingdom, and it's among my favorites from the animes we've been watching together. More of my favorites that we have been watching include The Angel Next Door Spoils Me Rotten, Tomo-Chan Is A Girl!, and My Hero Academia. There's one called The Iceblade Sorcerer Shall Rule The World that's merely okay, but within the past week or so Josh has picked One Piece back up where we left off in the New World arc months ago and that has been quite a treat indeed. I believe we finished all available seasons (I think only one) of both Parallel World Pharmacy and Reincarnated As A Sword by December 2022, and both of those are animes I really enjoyed. We haven't watched The Seven Deadly Sins anime in quite some time, I guess because Josh became bored with it (or maybe he's already seen it) but I really enjoyed that one too. We were enjoying watching Spy x Family together but the story got kinda boring and didn't show enough of the relationship between Loid and Yor, I guess because Anya's adorableness stole the show.
Videogame-wise, I've only been playing on my Nintendo Switch lately. Josh and I got ourselves Civilization 6 for our Switches for Christmas 2022 because it was discounted about 60%, so I've been enjoying playing Civ (even though the Switch's screen is so much smaller than my laptop's, it handles the game better & because of this I can see the leaders' animations when they talk). I typically play as either Queen Victoria of England or as Catherine De Medici of France, although I just started a new game as Barbarossa of Germany because I want to try to achieve my first military victory. In addition to Civ I've also been enjoying playing Pokémon Scarlet, and finally finished the game yesterday. Josh got the Violet version and he said in his version the time machine was bringing pokémon to the present from the distant future, not the ancient past like in my version of the game, which I thought was interesting. This is the first Pokémon game I've ever played, let alone completed, and I can definitely see why people love the games so much: they're fun, simple, beautifully designed, and their content is unique, positive and uplifting. The next Pokémon game I'd like to play is Brilliant Diamond, because Josh already has Shining Pearl and I told him I wanted to play the game with the mirror-world in it.
Music-wise, I've been listening to various playlists on YouTube Music lately, including the vigorous RedLine OST and the chilling Ghosts Radio lofi mixes, with some VaporWave music peppered in here and there when I needed something different to vibe with.
I am not doing a very good job of getting up at 5am every morning like I want to, but I am sleeping well and generally using my awake time more effectively. I'm doing alright keeping up with the housework, which I do on my own and pretty much save for my days off. I was trying to get better about making daily crock pot dinners for us to eat after we come home from work, and mid-January I made a delicious cabbage soup that I was so proud of initially. Josh didn't realize I made it the first night, so I ate it by myself, and then the next day I had off from work so I ate it again at breakfast and again at dinner. Now, I realize now that eating it three meals in a row was a bit much, but I had no idea that cabbage would be so difficult for my body to digest. It was fucking terrible and I missed a day of work because of it. I haven't really tried to make us dinners since then, but I can't just let that be my excuse. I've wanted to start cooking and baking again for quite some time now. Its just, yanno, there's only 24 hours in a day, and I have to spend a third of it sleeping or else I just won't function. I wish I only needed 3-4 hours of sleep a day, but realistically that's just far too little for me.
Anyways, 2023 has been good so far, January was a good month (although I want to celebrate more next year, I'm disappointed in myself that our birthdays were so low-key yet again this year) and I am looking forward to February. Valentine's Day is right around the corner! ♥
Every day is Valentine's Day to me ♥ A list I wrote on my birthday this year.
It is a deceptively simple question with a deceptively complicated answer. According to Wikipedia, truth is "the property of being in accord with fact or reality; usually held to be the opposite of falsehood".
Although this definition is far better than most I found in various dictionaries, it still doesn't really define what truth actually IS— and as it turns out, there are reasons for that which I will delve into within
this article.
ONE TRUTH, MANY ASPECTS
First of all, there is only one truth, and yet that one truth has infinite aspects. (For the purpose of discernment within this article, we can refer to the one with a capital-T and to the aspects with a
lowercase-t, although it is vitally important to remember that they are in essence the same). All truth is relative to the individual, and builds forth from the individual. This individual may be a human, a
galaxy, an atom, a ghost— literally anything. Every part of our universe has the ability to perceive and understand a part of the Truth. In reality, Truth can only be known in part, never in total. In fact,
one must be outside reality to realize total Truth! There are many methods for humans to achieve this, with drugs and meditation being among the most common. Because the Truth is infinite and eternal,
it is far larger than anything we know or could possibly ever know. We can spend an entire lifetime— an eternity of lifetimes, actually— finding new aspects of the Truth.
Think about our planet, the Earth. There are many planets, of course, but there is only one Earth. And yet our one Earth contains different land masses, different countries, different climate zones,
different living beings, different veins of thought, different patterns of behavior— all of them unified by this umbrella term we call Earth. In the same way, all of the cells composing our physical structure
are unified by the umbrella term we call our body, and all of the different celestial forms are unified by the umbrella term we call the universe. The Truth is the ultimate unifying umbrella, and one that is
always expanding.
Examples of some unifying structures easily familiar to most of us are governments, schools, tabletop games, gardens, and books. Each of these things contains smaller parts which differ from each other
but are essential to defining the whole: governments contain civilian, military, and administrative communities; schools are made up of teachers with different abilities and students of different
backgrounds; tabletop games include a board and pieces to be placed upon it representing different players; books contain a variety of letters and words forming a variety of sentences. In each case, the
whole wouldn't be what it is without all of the different parts composing it.
“There are many worlds, but they share the same sky— one sky, one destiny.”
ANTILOGY EXISTS
Truth exists everywhere, and yet this fundamental fact does not preclude the existence of falsehoods, which are an absence of truth the same way darkness is the absence of light. And yet, very few of
us live in a world of complete light or complete darkness— we live in a world defined by the various blendings of both extremes. In addition to this— and despite what ancient influences such as Aristotle
and Plato may have believed— antilogy exists and is a fundamental aspect of our reality. Contradiction surrounds us like the sea surrounds a fish, but we should not confuse partial contradictions with total
ones— i.e., the harmony between partly hot and partly cold should not be confused with a conflict between hot and cold. While something may not be completely hot and completely cold at the same time,
it CAN be a mixture of hotness and coldness we call warm, OR it may be cold in one part and hot in another part, like a cool pan becoming warmer on the bottom when it is placed upon a hot stovetop.
Our world has many fuzzy areas where opposites coexist as a symbiotic unity which may be cooperative or conflicting or, typically, some mixture of both.
If truth is akin to light and falsehoods akin to darkness, all one has to do to illuminate is speak of Truth. Yet darkness exists for a reason— because there are some entities which prefer it— and because
of this not everyone wants the world's dark spots to be illuminated. There are many who find confusion more useful than understanding when it comes to achieving their goals. Furthermore, it is wise to
remember that both light AND darkness are capable of blinding an individual. While it is true that the Truth will set one free, it is also true that too much of it before one is ready to integrate it into their
understanding can cause chaos and potentially may cripple them for some time as they work to achieve that integration. This is especially true for those who have moved quickly from one end of the
spectrum to the other, much like people first emerging from Plato's Cave.
A truth has a scope, while the Truth IS the scope. Its like the difference between a universal set and any of the sets it contains. The Truth can be demarcated into different zones of truth, each of them
valid within their own scope (this is how infinite worlds exist). The Truth runs the gamut from complete factuality to complete falsehood (the existence of infinite worlds ensures this, as what is false in
one world will certainly be true in another, and vice versa), while any given truth can only be true within its own gamut and is considered false in all others. Since any system of truth is valid within its own
scope, it can be said that all theories of truth have some Truth to them. Furthermore, it can even be said that when it gets down to brass tacks, everything is true.
No matter how many contradictions and differences there are, we STILL share the same Universe. This will always be TRUE!
FACTS ARE RELATIVE
One of the most interesting and simultaneously frustrating things about the Truth is the existence of the paradox of factual relativism. We can know that Truth is relative because there exist people who,
relative to them, find the statement inherently untrue. There is a distinction to be made between truth meaning "fidelity" and truth meaning "factuality", because the Universe itself does not require anyone
to remain faithful to factuality. For many, the ultimate goal is to ensure one's truth remains faithful to factuality, and for many others, the ultimate goal is to ensure factuality remains faithful to one's truth.
As faithful as one may try to be to factuality, one can never escape the fact that their truth has a scope which does not necessarily extend to the perspectives of others. It is true that people are generally
as faithful to falsehoods as often as they are faithful to factuality, and the nature of Truth is such that the actuality of their faith thus lends the falsehoods a modicum of actuality themselves, a modicum
which has the potential to snowball from that point forward. Moreover, what is considered fact to some is considered falsehood to others, and vice versa, suggesting that factuality is relative to one's
perspective even if one believes in something demonstrably false.
Discovering the degree to which a truth is faithful to factuality is the entire purpose of the field of epistemology. Within our current predominant system of epistemics there is a consensus that certain
truths are universally factual whether they are believed in or not (e.g., "the Earth is a sphere" or "1+1=2"). An aspect of the Truth may or may not be in accord with the factuality of any given reality, and to
the extent that it is not so is the extent to which it is considered a falsehood rather than a truth (e.g., "the Earth is flat" or "1+1=5"). But the nature of Truth is such that a falsehood will continue to exist as
a truth to some whether it is factual or not, and other truths may model it by degrees of fidelity (i.e., "the Earth is a cube" or "1+1=5000"). For example, it is easy for a reasonable person to see that the
attendance numbers of Donald Trump's presidential inauguration were paltry when compared with those of Barack Obama's second inauguration, but it is unreasonable to assume that everyone has the
same incentive for believing this fact. What Spicer said was demonstrably false, yet that didn't stop people from believing him and behaving as if it were true, mostly because they had, relative to them,
more incentive to believe what he said than they had incentive to disbelieve what he said. They wanted what he said to be true, and ultimately they chose to believe in what they want regardless of the
factuality— just like people who believe the Earth is flat or that one plus one equals five. They may actually believe these things to be true, or they could be choosing something they know is false just to
stick it to others they are not fond of.
People generally believe in whatever they want to be true, and they will build entire communities and civilizations and bodies of knowledge around their beliefs. Nearly every human endeavor depends
upon the concept of Truth, and yet its nature is typically unconsciously assumed rather than consciously considered. Truth exists, but no one is actually required to cleave to it. People are just as free to
indulge in falsehoods as they are in the truth. While an objective reality may exist as a consensus of opinions on what is fact and what is false, humanity has no universally accepted arbiter which
absolutely discerns between the two and reality thus remains predominantly subjective. It is because of this that attempts have been made all throughout human history to artificially create such an
arbiter for all people to live by. In reality, the Truth is so versatile, it can be used any way one wants (very much like the Tao is described in chapter 6 of the Tao Te Ching). This fact has proven very useful
among the many different human communities that exist both now and in the past, since different truths are useful to different people, and at different times.
Aspects of the Truth are often negotiated between people via dominant versus submissive roles, the most common of these being the relationship inherent between parent and child. Other social
constructs have sought to model this fundamental relationship, particularly governments and religions. Legal and/or religious recognition often define what truth is for any given community, and this
includes both parents and children within said community. Nevertheless, any given individual remains the ultimate dominant force within their own life, and so whether they go along with consensus or
not is the choice which is theirs alone to make. In every moment and every facet of their life the individual gets to choose whether they are fulfilling a dominant or a submissive role— even if society has
chosen for them. We are living in a world which was created by the people who came before us, but we have the power to alter our understanding of it, and therefore we have the power to alter the world
itself.
While factual relativism may be an ideal breeding ground for conflict, it is also an ideal breeding ground for cooperation. "Why do they believe that, and why do I believe this?" are excellent questions to
ask oneself when deciding between responses to an experience. These choices present one with opportunities for tolerance, mind expansion, diversity, friendship, and good faith. Conflict happens
naturally, but it needn't become the default mode of our relationships with others. Besides evading conflict to the best of one's ability, a cooperative approach would be to agree to disagree whenever
an inescapable conflict occurs. In cases where multiple individuals see different perspectives of the Truth, agreeing to disagree may be the only option available.
REALITY IS EXPERIENTIAL
Truth is closely tied to both human knowledge and to a reality's spacetime itself. There's information, and then there's knowledge, and then there's wisdom. All three are in essence the same, but they
differ by degrees of value to the individual. All data (i.e., pieces of information which compose a reality) are aspects of the Truth. But one must remember that data is always susceptible to dual forces:
manipulation and interpretation. That means that every single being in a universe has a unique relationship with the data of that universe; every single one of us has our own relationship with the Truth.
Data doesn't mean the exact same thing to everyone, and technically it never can. Truth is always relative to oneself, and even people who have experienced something together will not have the exact
same experience of it. Truth is ultimately an experiential phenomenon. The best way (and indeed the only way) for an individual to have the ability to discern between truth and falsehoods is GNOSIS—
that mysterious inner knowing which is naturally unique to every individual. Even our feelings— ESPECIALLY our feelings— are intimately connected with the Truth on a level so fundamental that no Deus
deceptor could possibly ever reach it. Whether you think it's truth or you think it's not, either way you're right. Reality is so versatile it will give you whatever answer you're seeking: "seek, and you will
find".
So, back to our original question: what is truth? Truth is a decision, a choice, a taking of a stand, a “making firm” of energy. It is not conformity with reality, because every possible reality already
exists. It is a creation of a new reality from the bits and pieces of realities that already exist. It is a unique perspective. Truth Is All That Is. Your truth is whatever YOU decide it to be, and the Truth
will reflect that to the degree that you decide to reflect the Truth.
“The fact is: Anything can happen in the future. For some people, that’s exciting. For others, that’s scary. And even if both kinds of people are working toward a better world tomorrow, only one of
them gets to be happy today.”
I don't remember exactly how I became aware of anarchism— it was probably mentioned in passing during one of my classes in middle school, and definitely was not presented as a philosophy to be taken
seriously. But as I have learned more and more about anarchist thought throughout the years, new anarchist ideas frequently dawned upon me, and eventually I realized that my perspective of anarchism
differed from all the others. For me, anarchism is so much more than just a political philosophy— it is a metaphysical, ontological, epistemological, and even deeply spiritual philosophy, something
inherent in nature itself. If there is a God, then It is an anarchist. Existence itself is a form of anarchy in that it has developed without central direction, because existence is sustained without being
controlled. The only rule that truly exists is "Anything Goes". This means that anything can be, including laws, and anything can be true, including contradictions. This is obviously very different from what
Aristotle taught us is the case, yet nevertheless it is based upon my own observations and my own internal sense of logic. Unlike him, I am not convinced our universe is entirely rational.
Anarchism is the most natural form of government. It requires no effort on our part (or consent for that matter) to implement or maintain, it just IS. Anarchism does not exist within a world of
governments; governments exist within aa world of anarchism. All governments naturally come from anarchism, and all governments naturally return to anarchism. It is itself neither good or evil, but it
allows both good and evil, and so it can be said that anarchism is both good and evil, although it never takes sides. There is not just one right way (besides the Tao), there are many right ways (each one
came from the Tao). It allows for all sorts of arrangements within reality via domination-and-submission relationships. Anarchism is dynamic, holistic, omnipresent, and holographic freedom. It is
essentially the embodiment of the "live and let live" philosophy taken to a cosmic level.
"Live the life you love and love the life you live" is the cornerstone of Pearlian anarchism. Such anarchists do not become perturbed by the existence of opposites and contradictions since they understand
such things are a natural part of our universe. They know who they are and they have their boundaries; they make their own choices & let others make theirs.
A Pearlian anarchist makes sure they themselves become the change they want to see in the world by changing themselves instead of changing others. They are aware of others around them but not
necessarily beholden to them. They embrace both life and death, good and evil, and strive to not take sides unless their inner gnosis compels them to do so. They constantly see the universe with fresh
eyes every day the sun rises and sets. Their curiosity is endless, their appetite for wisdom insatiable, and their resolve is ultimately unbreakable. If it exists, they can have a say about it. A Pearlian anarchist
may choose to refrain from political engagement while engaging in political commentary or analysis (whether this is hypocritical or not is irrelevant to them because their life's work is too important to be
weighed down by public opinion). They know that while acts of violence and trickery aren't forbidden, they are avoided as much as possible because to engage in such activities is to undermine the careful
crafting of TRUST, the most important thing in the whole wide world.
Whatever the rest of the world may believe about anarchism, the Pearlian anarchist knows that to be true to themselves is a beautiful and natural thing.
This was the first digital painting I ever completed, made circa 2009 without a pen tablet, when I was taking classes in neuroscience. Not bad for a first try, but there's certainly
lots of room for improvement.
I have been drawing ever since I was a kid. My artistic journey was stunted at certain times in my life, but it is closer to thriving now than ever before. I desperately want to show the rest of the world
the vast domain of beauty, wonder, humour and horror that lives in my mind, and that means I have to become a great artist, no matter how many years or decades it may take for me to get there. I know I
have a long way to go, but I am so excited for it. I have come a long way already, though. So I figured it was time to meditate upon my artistic strengths & weaknesses.
HOW HAS MY ARTWORK IMPROVED?
I can select & mix colors better than ever; skin looks much more alive & believable.
Shading & gradations are much smoother.
Making use of backgrounds rather than just characters in white spaces— because of this, my composition has improved.
I can use layers much more effectively than I used to. Also, now I can use the transformative tools the pros use.
I paint at 600 DPI now instead of 300 or 72 (yuck).
My artwork looks more realistic than ever before— no longer simply graphical black lines.
My human anatomy in drawing has greatly improved, people look less cartoonish now.
I finish images more often & more completely than I ever used to before.
The subject matter is generally much more meaningful to me nowadays. I'm drawing less fanart and more OCs.
I'm happier with the images I make now.
HOW CAN MY ARTWORK FURTHER IMPROVE?
My images can be less static & more dynamic, showing/indicating movement.
I can use more complicated compositions & backgrounds.
I should continue working on drawing human anatomy in a variety of poses & from a variety of angles.
My drawings of hair, especially moving hair, needs a lot of work.
I want to use more varied skin colors, including unreal ones (like blue skin).
Practice using more characters in one image & make their interaction believable.
Facial expressions need work.
Eyes are frequently too big on characters.
Chiascuro— I can work more on values before adding color.
Finishing what I start.
Working at a quicker, more focused pace.
Work on several sketch ideas at a time, put aside for later use— choose one to work on as needed.
Could use more framing techniques such as borders.
Taking the time to create a sketch first instead of making it up as I go along.
Improve drawing of organic things (like trees) and inorganic things (like cars).
Try sketching things from life more often.
Try meditating upon the image I'm creating for a minute or two every time I sit down to create, before I begin.
Start with subject matter that means something to me, to keep my interest throughout the artistic process from start to finish.
