...I've been trying to identify the mental blocks within me & this is what I found:
- Ethics of Money: not wanting to base my entire life upon the pursuit of profit, or be limited to creating only for a wealthy audience, feeling like humanity would be better off if currency was abolished, feeling like money itself is more evil than good, feeling like I shouldn't become dependent upon money
- Hopelessness For Humanity's Future: too many agendas & moving parts, overpopulation, climate change brought on by human behavior but no one's doing anything about it, everybody's selfish af, people constantly poisoning the social wells, potentiality of the rich escaping to space leaving everyone else to suffer while still squeezing resources from our planet
- Ungrateful Audience, Undeserving World: why create for people who don't give a shit?
- Fear of Cancellation, Social Shaming: the bullying seems inevitable, so why expose myself to it?
- Fear of Having A Negative Impact: what if I fuck everything up?
- Fear of Not Being Good Enough: what if it turns out I can't cut it, no matter what I do or how hard I try? Because there will always be someone else out there who can do it better, faster, and more successfully than I ever could, so who needs my input?
- Fear of Not Being Able To Sustain My Success: yikes, to attain success just to lose it would be a nightmare & a betrayal by the universe I don't believe I could recover from.
- 'This Isn't A Good World, Why Should I Live Like It Is?': to what extent should I deny reality just to make a good life for myself? Isn't that ultimately selfishness?
- Fear of Going Mad: ending up in prison/psych ward for my beliefs/behaviors, especially if I never become rich enough to be saved by my financial influence.
- Not Laying Roots In This World: non-attachment, not emotionally or financially investing in the systems of sick societies
None of these are feelings I am proud of. These are things I am deeply afraid of, things that manifest as intrusive thoughts which won't go away, things that I know stop me from living life fully. I'm sharing these things because that's a part of life logging and personal development and I'm sure there are other people who are affected by these fears also, so I want them to know they are not alone in those feelings.